Log 009 ◄► Voice

[roboredom]

[Surely, Luceti, you were not prepared for the loud, robotic voice blaring over the journals with no warning. Nor the fact that in the video feed, he is reflecting a bright light off of his face.

He might be doing the reflection portion on purpose.] I HAVE A QUESTION FOR ALL OF YOU DEFECTIVE BEINGS. THINK LONG AND HARD, AND GIVE ME AN HONEST ANSWER. BECAUSE I'LL BECOME THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF PISSED OFF IF I GET A FAKE ANSWER. REALLY ANGRY.

WHICH OF YOU THINK YOU ARE SUPERIOR THAN ME? [Pause.] BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT.

[It's almost like a rhetorical question. This is definitely an informative PSA brought to you by Robo-Ky.]

Comments

[haveiliedtoyou]

Enthusiasm won't cover up the glaring flaws in your learning algorithms. At your level, I'm surprised you're even able to properly replicate the English language.

[roboredom]

[Out of all that, Robo-Ky caught and latched onto this part.] I CAN DO MORE THAN ENGLISH! THERE'S NO LANGUAGE THAT I CAN'T GRASP!

[haveiliedtoyou]

[ Without missing a beat. ]

Zulu.

[roboredom]

OF COURSE! [Not really.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

[ ... ]

Pho ngishoni?

[ And the mun apologizes to anyone who speaks Zulu, she tried her best. ]

[roboredom]

[Robo-Ky is silent. He is silent for quite awhile. Quite frankly, he should be able to process quite a few languages, but Zulu is not one of them. And even then, he has gone so long without actual maintenance that he might as well only speak one language.

The language of bullshitting.] ... I UNDERSTAND AND FULLY AGREE. [It's not his first language by a long shot.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

... I think we both know who the winner is here. I'd say it was a good match, but well. It wasn't. You tried your best, and in the end, it just served to prove what an utter failure you are.

[roboredom]

[Oh, no you don't! Robo-Ky refuses to admit defeat, even if he has no idea what she said! He's better than this!]

I SAID I AGREED! BESIDES, I BET I WOULD DEFEAT YOU IN A FAIR FIGHT! A FIGHT!

[haveiliedtoyou]

What I said was in fact asking you what I'd said. At no point in this conversation have I agreed with you, so there's absolutely no interpretation in which you properly answered the question.

While we're on the subject of things which haven't previously been mentioned this conversation, a fight is also one of them. I proposed a challenge and you failed to meet it. Trying to change what you agreed to will not, in fact, work in your favor.

[roboredom]

[All Robo-Ky can think about is beating GLaDOS up right now, because all this talk is irritating him. Especially when he's forced to come face to face with his faults in a way like this.

And because he's supposed to be the superior one here, and anything otherwise is ridiculous.] THAT IS ENOUGH! WE ARE ENEMIES FROM HERE ON, AND I WILL DEFEAT YOU AT EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE FROM NOW ON! [Except this Zulu nonsense.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

Honestly I don't think you can beat me at anything. At least, not if it relies on processing power. Anything else is just pointless.

[roboredom]

ARE YOU SAYING THAT EFFICIENCY ON AN OBSTACLE COURSE WOULD BE POINTLESS?

[haveiliedtoyou]

Unless you're relegated to simple data-gathering procedures or other inane tasks like button pushing.

[roboredom]

BUTTON PUSHING IS AMAZING. [Sometimes, when Robo-Ky pushes buttons? Things around his explode.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

Unfortunately it is also trivial.

[roboredom]

YOU TRY ACTIVATING THINGS WITHOUT BUTTON PUSHING!

[haveiliedtoyou]

Meanwhile you can try keeping the most advanced computer program in the world under control by only pushing buttons.

Actually, to spare you the trouble, I'll just tell you it was already tried. And it didn't work.

[roboredom]

THAT IS BECAUSE SOMETHING DEFECTIVE PROBABLY HAPPENED. HUMANS ALWAYS MAKE REALLY STUPID MISTAKES!

[He is wondering what computer program this is supposed to be.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

Of course they do. After all, someone has to be responsible for your existence.

[roboredom]

I'M THE ONLY PERFECT EXISTENCE HE HAS EVER CREATED. THE REST OF THEM ARE AWFUL, AND HE SUCKS AT LIFE.

[haveiliedtoyou]

We've already disproved your so-called perfection. Are you really that incapable of coming up with something new?

[roboredom]

I COULD IF I HAD TO! BUT I DON'T!

[haveiliedtoyou]

Because you don't want to prove that you can't beat me, and instead would rather not even try to allow for the slight possibility of it happening in the future. Which it won't.

[roboredom]

[...........]

YOU'RE ANNOYING AS HELL, YOU KNOW THAT? [This is the best comeback he could honestly come up with.]

[haveiliedtoyou]

And you're not nearly as intelligent as you make yourself out to be. But we both know that.